The Silence of God

This blog has seen many posts. The majority are happy, silly, yeah some even stupid. Other times it has been a portal for great sorrow. The passing of my grandfather, the loss of EB just to name a couple. Today i post yet another sad post. We are currently struggling as a family with the sickness of our cousin Crystal. Crystal is married to my cousin Steve, and they have 7 awesome kids. A few of which you saw on this blog recently doing what they do best, making people smile. Crystal is very ill with cancer right now. I have refrained from blogging about it, but today has just broken my heart thus the post. We, and many of you, have prayed for Crystals healing. Without a miracle from our Lord, it seems that may not happen. In moments like this it is not that we question God, but struggle with the reality that we live in a fallen land. In times like this it seems music takes on new meaning. Words of a song can strum your hearts strings like no other. Below you will find the most recent email we received about Crystal, as well as a song from my favorite artist on the planet. The song embodies my thoughts right now. It talks about the silence of God in a powerful way. My favorite line comes at the end. it is...

"so when the questions dissolve into the silence of God, the aching may remain, but the breaking does not. in the holy lonesome echo of the silence of God."


Email from Helen about Crystal
Psalm 6:6 I am worn out from groaning all night long. I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.

It is another day dawning. I think this is the most beautiful time of the day, just as the sun is rising. This has been a hard week. We were given bad news about Crystal’s condition. This horrible cancer has taken its toll. It has moved into her brain and growing stronger in her lungs. Her pain has been unbearable. The doctor has sent her home and turned her over to hospice. He told her and Steven to tell the children that their mom would not be here much longer to prepare them. Yesterday Don and I left them to do this unthinkable task. Steven said he told them that mom was not getting well and she would soon go to be with Jesus. He said that Nathan fell apart, ran to Crystal and fell on her sobbing. Daniel started crying uncontrollably and Jacob started talking about how to kill the cancer. The small children were just quite and seemed confused about their older brothers. But Steve said the most startling part was Crystal’s reaction when Nathan ran to her. She responded briefly by taking him in her arms and holding him. Then she just let go and it seemed she just removed herself from the situation. She looked straight ahead and never said another word and she hasn’t been her self since. We think her body has taken all it can stand and suddenly her spirit could not take the pain of seeing her children’s heart break.
When I came home it was so sad. After dinner I ask the older boys to come and sit with me. Steven came in and I ask them all if they needed to talk and that they could say anything they felt. The tears started again but also the words came just as fast. I sat and watched Steven with tears flowing as he tried to comfort them. I felt this cannot be happening to my precious son and grand children. They should not have to be facing this tragedy. I began praying for words to make it all ok but have never felt as helpless. Then I started describing what heaven really is and I told them that mommy would never die, not her spirit. She would just leave her very sick body and go to a real place where all the people that she loves would be waiting for her. Daniel asked if she would have hair. I told him she would be young and beautiful. He said he did not want her to die but he hated to see her so sick. We talked and talked, answering any questions they asked. Finally I said you know one thing that makes mommy the happiest other than seeing Jesus? I said she has a baby waiting for her so she will have one of you with her (a miscarriage between Nathan and Alex). That seemed to comfort them. Hospice will provide grief counciling for them which I hope will help.
We do not feel that God has not heard our prayer, just trying to accept the fact that all our days are numbered. In her short life span Crystal has been given the desires of her heart. She is a brilliant person and could have been a doctor, lawyer or any profession she chose. But all she wanted was to have a large family and a loving husband and she was granted this wish. She was put into a family that loved her as her own family does. Thank you all for your outpouring of love and prayers. Continue to pray!!! Helen